Dear Aunt Cassandra,
Should I go steady with Alexis, our new school council president? He is very popular, and you wouldn’t know he used to be a Communist, he is so clean cut and well spoken. He has promised me he will take me out when he gets his allowance back. He only staged a sit-in at the school to claim his allowance, and now he has taken a summer job at the bank’s debt-collection unit. I am really confused. He told me his evil uncle made him do it, it’s not the real him, and once he’s got back into his uncle’s good books he will be able to take me out to the mall and the cinema like he says I deserve. He used to hang out with a guy on a motorbike who mum said was a bad influence and always getting into trouble, but then they had a big bust up and now they aren’t talking any more. Sometimes I don’t know if I can trust him and sometimes we fight but then he looks me in the eyes and tells me everything’s going to be OK and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. He even charmed my grannie when he came to pick me up and told her how unfair it was that her pension was cut, and how he would do things differently. Since then she can’t stop saying what a καλό παληκάρι* he is.
What should I do?
You know I won’t sugar-coat things, so I’m glad you came to me for advice.
My poor innocent darling, let’s look at the evidence. Your friend Alexis may not be talking to that idiot with the bike anymore (cool? in my day we had “Happy Days” to tell us what that was all about), but look at who he still hangs out with. His new best friend is a fat insecure bully who everyone knows will do anything for the chance to play Call of Duty all night because he’s not allowed to at home. What about that scary tomboy who flushed your iPhone with the limited edition One Direction cover down the school toilet and then started screaming for help saying you were pulling her hair? You know, the one who hangs out with the skinheads in the park after school. Then there’s those creepy older boys who are repeating the year for the third time and are telling everyone who’ll listen about their plan to rob the bank. You tell me if that’s a gang you want to be part of.
Do you really think he cares about you? Has he told you the one about how when girls say “no” they really mean “yes”?
My tip is, don’t trust anyone who goes into politics this young. Love’s young dream could easily turn into a nightmare. This isn’t “Grease”, this is Greece 2015. I suggest you take a cold shower and spend the summer learning a useful skill, like growing your own food. You might need it.
P.S. Are you sure he doesn’t have a drug problem?
*(kaló palikári) = good boy