Satire is dead: The rival heist plots

I feel no need to post any original content today.

I will merely refer you to two stories that surfaced this week. Let’s call them “Old Skool” and “New Economy”, the rival alternatives to Greece achieving an agreement with its creditors and staying in the Euro, at least for now.

“Old Skool”: Hatched by Panayotis Lafazanis, leader of the “rebel” Left Platform faction of Syriza, until recently Minister of Productive Reconstruction, Environment and Energy and volunteer fire-fighter, this plot involved arresting the Governor of the Bank of Greece, taking over the Greek mint and confiscating the country’s currency reserves. The plan was to use the reserves to pay public sector salaries and pensions while preparing for a return to the drachma. Delightfully retro in its conception and blissfully uninformed of the technicalities of fiat currency, this plan also momentarily distracted from its real-life scariness with amusing mental images of out-of-shape former Communist party hacks struggling to drag sacks marked “SWAG” through a hole in the vault. Chased by Inspector Clouseau.

“New Economy”: This one came to light after someone leaked the tape of a teleconference between former Finance Minister and current #ministerofawesome (at least in his own mind) Yannis Varoufakis, Norman “Black Wednesday” Lamont, and a bunch of shady (by definition) hedge fund managers. Being a more modern kind of rebel, Varoufakis imagined using an old mate’s computer hacking skills to clone the online tax filing database in order to create a “parallel banking system” as an interim arrangement while transitioning to the drachma. As with the rival plot, it is easy for the killjoys to pick holes in it, but got us picturing a more up to date version of “WarGames,” lots of suspenseful scenes in a darkened room illuminated only by the green code on a black screen. The villain once again is the “troika” because they “control the software.”

Both plots carry a G rating (suitable for all audiences) as neither features sex, at least in the literal sense. With two blockbusters going head to head at the start of the holidays, there’s something here for all the family!

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Satire is dead: The rival heist plots

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