Athens is alive with rumours that the man presenting himself as recently resigned Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras is in fact a double, put in place by a neoliberal cabbal to scupper his revolutionary anti-austerity agenda that threatened to disrupt the sinister “European Project”. It is rumoured that Greece’s creditors, in a bid to halt the populist radical leftist revolution in Greece and avert a Europe-wide insurrection, put in place a plot to replace Mr Tsipras with a double acting on their instructions. The swap is said to have taken place during the all-night summit in Brussels on the night of the 12th July, during which the final negotiation of the third bailout package took place. Veteran Tsipras-watchers say the signs are clear, while some even claim to have spoken to a secret source in Brussels who revealed how the swap took place.
The shocking story was allegedly revealed by a stagiaire at the European Commission headquarters, who refuses to reveal his identity because he fears for his life. The source claims that the accounts leaked to the media about the marathon negotiations, enlivened by gossipy details about the protagonists, were in fact a complete fabrication to conceal a plot that seems taken out of a spy novel. It was Italy’s Prime Minister Matteo Renzi who, under the pretence of palling around, administered an incapacitating Krav-Maga grip to Tsipras during the first coffee break (proof for some that he, like other world leaders, is in fact a Mossad agent). Under the pretence of a “deep technical” meeting, the neoliberal plotters then ushered Mr Tsipras’s negotiating team into a separate room, while they prepared his double to take on his role and sign up to a carefully crafted so-called “Agreekment”.
The plotters are allegedly betting on the phenomenal personal popularity of Mr Tsipras to keep him in power so that he can implement the loan agreement that he – or rather the double put in place by the conspirators – fraudulently signed. They are banking on Tsipras’s reputation as an enigmatic personality to cover their tracks.
Sceptics – not surprisingly all champions of the European Project and the New World Order – have questioned this account, pointing to the supposed absence of any corroborating evidence. However, veteran CIA-watchers, 9/11 Truthers, and Bilderberg-paranoics point to the historical precedent of the 1960s CIA “Paul is dead” plot, one of the stranger – yet ultimately successful – American psy-ops weapons of the Cold War. As is now widely acknowledged, the ‘real’ Paul McCartney of “Rubber Soul” and “Revolver” was replaced by an impostor in late 1966 after a fatal CIA-engineered London car wreck. The double, subsequently revealed to have been a mechanic from Evesham, pushed back (under the careful direction of CIA musical torture experts) against the experimentation of Lennon, Harrison, and Starr to drag the group firmly towards the bathos of MOR sentimental pop, the first fruit of which was the McCartney contribution of “Lovely Rita” to 1967’s “Sgt. Pepper’s” album. The White Album’s “Back in the USSR” was an arrogant and out-of-control CIA’s confident boast that the US would eventually bring down Soviet society through the contagion of ‘bubblegum pop’, undermining the revolutionary zeal of Soviet youth. Tellingly, the official Brezhnev-era Kremlin view of the Beatles was that they represented the “belch of Western Culture”. The bogus McCartney went on to a famously regrettable post-Beatles career, first forming the much-satirised ‘band’ “Wings” (created to buy the continued silence of the late Beatle’s wife Linda), and effectively ended with the imposter’s co-penned “Ebony and Ivory” with Stevie Wonder in 1982 and “Say Say Say” with Michael Jackson in 1983.
In an example of the classic ‘double bluff’, the modus operandi of “switching” was revealed in the straight-to-video film “Moon Over Parador” in which an unemployed actor, portrayed by CIA alumnus Richard Dreyfuss, is hired to stand in for a fictional South American dictator after he dies prematurely. By revealing the switching technique in forensic detail through the vehicle of a supposedly fictional film, the CIA was then able to dismiss assertions of US government fingerprints on reactionary, counter-revolutionary undertakings such as the infamous toppling of Salvador Allende in Chile, with the pat rebuttal that such claims were “straight out of a bad Hollywood movie”.
So-called “Αλλαγιστές”, or “Switchers”, point to seven incontrovertible signs that Tsipras was forcibly replaced by a trained double during the “Night of the Long Knives” in Brussels:
1. The most compelling clue is also the most obvious: Tsipras’s abrupt policy volte face, described as “kolotoumba” (summersault in Greek). According to the “Switchers” only a swap could account for the sudden and rigorously sustained transformation from a populist, ever-shifting finger-in-the-wind leftwing firebrand who once vowed to “tear up the memorandum” and called on voters to say “No” to a new bailout, to a muted, consistent pragmatist resigned to implementing a new, and much harsher, austerity programme. The growing press consensus suggesting that his “pragmatic turn” may be a sign of evolving political maturity, is, according to the “Switcher” version of events, a coordinated PR campaign designed to rationalise what to the expert eye is clearly a case of identity theft.
2. Since the Agreekment summit, Tsipras, once an approachable “man of the people”, has avoided close interactions with the public and opposition politicians, and only appears in brief, carefully stage-managed events. “Switchers” note that he has spent minimal time in parliament even during a number of crucial debates. They point to the fact that his media engagements are limited to scripted addresses and pre-recorded interviews with “tame” outlets, and draw attention to the increasing amounts of makeup worn by “Tsipras” in order to make him look more like the original. Physical differences are subtle but noticeable: the post-Brussels “Tsipras” carries a heavy paunch and has a propensity to break out in cold sores – a known side effect of high doses of non-invasive chemical cosmetic surgical procedures. Further, there is reason to believe that this guarded stance has less to do with avoiding opportunities for close examination by Syriza insiders of the physical differences, and more to do the growing consensus that the “double” is in fact not a native Greek speaker whose handlers cannot risk allowing to engage in spontaneous conversation. Inverse proof of this theory is offered by the fact that the “new” Tsipras appears to speak much better English than the one who came to power six months earlier.
3. In the month since the summit, Tsipras’s behaviour has become increasingly erratic, which originally sparked rumours of frequent visits to an un-named private Swiss clinic as a result of his coping with bouts of nervous exhaustion, schizophrenia and manic depression by self-administering powerful drugs supplied by a private Chinese medical advisor. If these new accounts are true, the reality is much more sinister.
4. The “new Tsipras” (code-named the “Manchurian Candidate” by Merkel and her inner circle), has acted according to the conspirators’ plan, distancing himself from many of his former inner circle by disowning what they describe as a “Plan B” for a Euro exit. One of these, flamboyant former Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis, recently threatened that if convicted of high treason over his Plan B, he would “be able to expose them for what they are“. What, “Switchers” ask, could he possibly have to reveal that he has not already spoken about in his numerous media interviews and blog posts? Who is he threatening to expose? According to the “Switchers” the only secret he could possibly be guarding is the reality of the “switch” and the identity of the post-Agreekment “Tsipras”.
5. An inner circle of “Pro-Memorandum” Greek neoliberal politicians on the payroll of both the CIA and Mossad are involved in the plot. ND leader Antonis Samaras, previously known as Angela Merkel’s agent in Greece, withdrew from the party leadership to make the new “Tsipras” look more credible. The creditor puppet-masters feared that a side-by-side comparison of the two leaders’ statements pre- and post-Memorandum would clearly reveal that they are in fact identical, since they were also scripted in Brussels. His successor, ND interim leader Evangelos “Vangelas” Meimarakis, gave a coded sign to his handlers acknowledging the swap, when he shook hands with “Tsipras” at the first parliamentary debate after the Brussels summit.
6. If you play “Tsipras’s” resignation speech backwards, you can hear Syriza’s pre-election manifesto, the so-called “Thessaloniki Programme”.
7. Many have pointed out that the logo of the new breakaway “Popular Unity” party, which appears to show the star of Bethlehem, is inconsistent with the Stalinist ideology of the party. “Switchers” say that it is in fact a coded message, reflecting the belief that the “real” Tsipras will “return from the dead” to lead his faithful back on the path to anti-austerity and the re-birth of a reinvigorated and expanded internationalist, communitarian Magna Graecia.
“Switchers” are divided on the whereabouts of the “real” Alexis Tsipras. Some say he is being held on the mythical “Island of Dr Schauble” in a lake deep in the Black Forest. According to this version events, he is undergoing a ’round-the-clock re-education programme which consists of being forced to watch, in a nod to “A Clockwork Orange”, the Aliki Vougiouklaki classic «Η κόρη μου η Σοσιαλίστρια» (“My Daughter the Socialist”) on a loop until the opening bars of the Internationale or the colour red provoke bouts of uncontrollable nausea and vomiting. Others claim that he has started a new life as a double for Matteo Renzi’s cousin, a successful shoe salesman in Milan, who in turn is standing in with the help of expert make-up as Cuban leader Raúl Castro in order to usher in a reconciliation with the US.
With contributions from Koutofrangos.