Dear Aunt Cassandra: Who is the one for me?


Dear Aunt Cassandra,

I need your help again. I have a tough choice to make. Since I last wrote, a lot has happened. Alexis has decided he is “giving me space to think”. He came to mine and said he was sorry for what he has put me through (he looked really cut up) and he promised that our best days are still ahead of us if I chose him, but then he said  it’s up to me to decide. I know he has stopped hanging out with all the people you warned me about, the creepy throwback, the tomboy bully and of course the wide boy. Except for the fat loser, he says the two of them are “brothas from another mutha” and he wouldn’t betray him no matter what. And he is not that popular anymore, the lower years are dissing him openly – not cool. Meanwhile, I have asked out by an older guy (!). He is a bit old skool, he knows how to treat a girl like a lady, but he also seems to have some right dodgy mates and sometimes he likes to talk like a nightclub bouncer. Everyone else is a bunch of losers, they keep saying we should all get on together, and not take sides. I dunno…



Dear Parthenope,

You know me, I’m a bit old fashioned. When it comes to difficult choices I generally ask the φλιτζάνι (coffee cup). So I brewed a nice thick Greek coffee as per the ritual, tipped the cup over to let it it drip while I watched the latest on our pension cuts (I don’t really understand it but I like the drama) and then turned it back up to read the cup. Disappointing. No winding roads, no wedding crowns, no men on horseback. Just mud. I thought I saw a tall dark stranger in your future, but I couldn’t really make him out, except I think his name begins with a “K”.

So I tried the modern method: I called my friends. They are all old like me, they sit at home waiting for the phone to ring, it gives them something to do. It’s not quite as good at predictions as the φλιτζάνι, but it gave us an excuse for a good natter. And what did they say? Well, I can tell you that your friend Alexis and the Older Guy are neck and neck – some of the old birds still think your young friend looks like a παληκάρι who will make good, others prefer a man of experience and some proper foliage on his upper lip. To me, it’s like Justin Bieber vs. Van Morrison. Can’t stand either of them. But each to their own… But then, to my surprise, more and more of them mentioned our Mr “K”. They gave him a name, “Kanenas”. “Nobody”*. I was puzzled. Does this mean “Nobody” is good enough for you? Does it mean you should hold out for the tall dark stranger?

I don’t know, girl. I hold up my hands. All I know is what your uncle Homer said: “Don’t trust anyone who calls himself Nobody. If you started with one good eye, you’ll end up with none.


* “Nobody” or “None of the above” was the most popular response to the question “Who do you trust most as Prime Minister?“,  or “Who do you trust most to manage the agreement?

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Dear Aunt Cassandra: Who is the one for me?

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