Anonymous, ISIS duke it out in Greek Sunday spectacular

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Hackers’ collective Anonymous and apocalyptic Islamic death cult ISIS are vying for responsibility for the software glitch that caused the postponement of today’s leadership elections by Greek opposition party Nea Demokratia.

Earlier this week, Anonymous, the “hacktivist” group known for their cyber-attacks on political targets, Youtube messages in broken voice-synthesised English, and fondness for the Hollywood-inspired Guy Fawkes mask, declared war on ISIS in reprisal for the the November 13 terrorist attacks on Paris. An Anonymous cyber-attack earlier this week is claimed to have taken down thousands of ISIS Twitter accounts and compromised the terror organisation’s 24-hour help desk, leaving thousands of jihadis at a loss with urgent queries as to whether to “cut the red or the green cable” or “is it halal to use Miss Piggy as a Twitter avatar if she is wearing a hijab”.

It is believed that the two global disruptors agreed to duke it out in a bloodless battle in cyberspace today, choosing as their target a noted fortress of internet security, the online voting system chosen in a one-bid process by Nea Demokratia to elect its next leader. The ND leadership election is also thought to have been chosen for its momentous importance, as the vote will determine which of the four hapless candidates will be the one to finally put the once venerable centre-right party out of its misery. While security forces and media were focussing on a well-placed rumours by Anonymous of imminent physical attacks by ISIS on world waffle capital Brussels and that bastion of Western values, the WWE championship in Atlanta, the real battle was going on in cyberspace.

As the news was announced in Athens, Babis and his group of track-suited pundits assembling for their regular Sunday brainstorming session over a frappé and the sports papers, let out a collective sigh and expressed their regret that the otherwise rich Greek language lacks the equivalent of “couldn’t organise a p*ss-up in a brewery”. They then proceeded to dissect the real controversy: last night’s cancellation of the Panathinaikos-Olympiakos football derby in a storm of flares, teargas and flying stadium fittings; before moving on to a game of “how many bank shares do you give me for this half-eaten sandwich?”

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Anonymous, ISIS duke it out in Greek Sunday spectacular

5 thoughts on “Anonymous, ISIS duke it out in Greek Sunday spectacular

  1. Arrogant Woma, be ware! says:

    James darling, what a sweet article – you’re such a sweetheart. I have to admit that the Malaka Malaka article was a gem; I loved every single bit of it man – can’t even call these people *icks. It would be an insult to such a beautiful instrument! *ick head would be even more so … It’s good to vent and spit it all out; I hear you totally… I simply wonder if it might zap your last drop of sweetness, it would be shame for your killer gorgeous eyes 😉

    Like

  2. Arrogant Woma, be ware! says:

    Oh he’s so gorgeous, to drop dead! Too much to talk about, totally smitten! He’d like to know what a reckless driver I’ve become ever since I’ve met him. I reckon he can’t wait I’m dead to inherit my fortunes!

    Like

  3. NB: This is a blog, not a confessional or a walk-in counselling facility. If you feel an uncontrollable urge to air your private needs/wants/neuroses in a public forum you should probably seek professional help.

    Like

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