A new cruise operator is set to inject new life into Greek tourism this season with the launch of Atlantis-CON, the first conspiracy-themed sea cruise to feature tours of the Greek islands.
The organisers believe that a Greek cruise has unique advantages over the current offerings for this market niche, which mainly travel along the Atlantic seaboard catering to American conspiracy fans. “Friendly locals,” he says emphatically, “make this experience truly special.” What he means specifically is conspiracy-friendly locals. He explains that true aficionados of the “fringe thinking” genre are looking for something new, beyond vaccine cover-ups, the 9/11 Truth and faked moon landings.
The tour operator’s representative explained that a conspiracy tourist making landfall in Greece can expect to enrich his or her vocabulary of conspiracy beyond their wildest dreams: “This will be a truly mind-expanding experience. The way I describe it, you will land on a beach, and as the clear Aegean sea laps up against your sandalled feet (socks optional) the locals will festoon you with garlands of the most exotic blossoms of conspiratorial thought such as only flourish in this unique climate. They will then present you with complex devices of their own invention, crafted from the precious bedrock of ancient myth and refined through the modern technology of the internet. The Greek hospitality will instantly make you feel at home – i.e., questioning the last remaining assumptions about the world which keep you sane.”
“Also, you ain’t seen a chemtrail until you’ve seen a chemtrail against the azure blue of the clear Greek sky. This will, QUITE LITERALLY, blow your mind.”
The cruise, according to its promoters, is already popular with Russian visitors. At the same time they feel that it has a universal appeal, as, in their words, “everything is connected, isn’t it?”
The cruise brochure asks a series of teasing questions:
- What do the ancient prophecies tell us about 9/11 and who has been suppressing the truth?
- Why aren’t we told about the Atlantians’ role in Roswell?
- Who are the Blond Race who appear in the Bible AND the Mayan scripts?
- Why do the mainstream media refuse to advertise this cruise package?
Highlights of the cruise programme include:
In-depth seminars on the sacred texts of Saint Païsios, the patron saint of Greek taxi drivers.
Guest lecture by Demosthenes Liakopoulos, the renowned Hellenic national mysticist. “Professor” Liakopoulos will give an illustrated talk on the theme of “The Time Is Nigh” (“Ο καιρός γαρ εγγύς”), his own refreshing take on the coming apocalypse, grounded in the ancient philosophers and their true inheritors the Orthodox mystics, which revolves around Vladimir Putin leading the Blond Race in a final confrontation with Greece’s arch-enemy Turkey.
Oil and gas prospecting. The cruise route will follow the outline of the rich hydrocarbon reserves under the Greek seabed “which the New World Order suppresses in order to deny Greece its true greatness”.
Crypto-archaeological tours. The cruise will pause over the precise coordinates in the Aegean Sea thought to mark the location of the lost city of Atlantis, home of the advanced ancient civilisation believed to have invented space travel, the internet and new age spirituality, before colonising the New World. Guests will have the opportunity to study the interpretation of mysterious objects like the Phaistos Disk, whose true meaning has long been suppressed by so-called “mainstream science”. The ship offers a well-stocked library of seminal works of archeoUFOlogy and cryptozoology by Erich von Däniken, Graham Hancock and David Icke for those wishing to pursue further reading.
Language lessons. In order to better appreciate the complexities of local thought, cruisers will be offered language lessons that go beyond the simple “kalimera” and “efharisto” to encompass more advanced vocabulary like “ifalokripída” (υφαλοκρηπίδα: continental shelf), and basic knowledge such as the lineage of the Nephelim, essential for establishing your credentials with like-minded locals.
Guaranteed GMO-free diet, patented 100% fluoride-eliminating on-board water filtration system, full disaster preparedness kits for all guests, including souvenir bug-out bag and anti-gun-control Molon Labe t-shirt.
Bespoke “experience” tours. More adventurous cruisers wishing to immerse themselves in the local culture will be offered tours of “Secret Athens” by a disciple of Païsios in a 100% genuine Athenian taxi. Tour highlights include masonic lodges concealed behind hipster bars in Aghia Irini (“my mate swears by his dead mother he once saw George Soros go in there with Henry Kissinger and Kevin Bacon”), a paganist grotto on Mount Hymettos thought to be the original “Bohemian Grove”, and an alleged CIA “black site” in an illegal scrapyard in the industrial zone of Aspropyrgos, culminating at a secret roadside canteen for a vrómiko (βρώμικο, lit. “dirty” – but don’t let the name put you off, as your guide will explain these are not your American hot dogs that are made with eyeballs and chemicals, but special Greek sausages following an ancient recipe by Epicurus which have curative properties – guide price €0.70). Throughout your tour, the guide will ensure that the taxi meter is switched off to avoid irradiation by harmful electromagnetic fields; seat belts are removed as they are known to be a deadly tool of US hegemony; the driver will smoke in order to neutralise the potential effects of chemtrails, while the radio dial will be locked on Derti 98.6FM in order to jam the surveillance frequencies of the agents of the New World Order.
The organisers have one final message for conspiracy buffs. The order form at the back of the cruise brochure features the slogan “Don’t wait too long. Come and experience the REAL Greece now before it is ISLAMICISED!” over a photo of the Acropolis with the iconic Al Zaatari refugee camp crudely photoshopped in the foreground.
Image from thesalamandersailingadventure.com